


Santa's Little Helpers

by Queenbookerly, Sammy_Scripts



Category: Brawl Stars (Video Game)
Genre: Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27859521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenbookerly/pseuds/Queenbookerly, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammy_Scripts/pseuds/Sammy_Scripts
Summary: After a simple mix-up in the north pole put's Santa on the bench, only one person can save Christmas. Unfortunately, Mrs. Claus isn't here tonight, so we got these three instead.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	1. Three's a Crowd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a disclaimer, characters that appear in the game belong to supercell, only characters that do not make an appearance in the game belong to us. This story is not endorsed, supported, paid for, or related to supercell in any way, shape, or form. That being said, Enjoy the show!

"Cheers!"

The heavy mugs clashed together in a drunken harmony. The soft yellow lights illuminating the amber stained wood paneling beneath their feet. Another roar and the robotic attendants made their way towards the massive table. Another round of eggnog and alcohol filling the frothing mugs of the partyers.

An older man with a scraggly beard to match his wild personality swayed to and fro, holding an empty mug. “Another round!” he slurred between his foam covered lips.

The dark blue hair of a younger woman snatched the glass from his flimsy fingers. “You had enough for two nights, Mike.” She easily kept the glass away from the drunk miner.

“Oh come on, Jacky. It’s Christmas Eve.”

“It’s the night before Christmas Eve, ya sloshed mess.” Jacky sidestepped a sloppy dive letting Dynamike crash onto the floor behind her.

“Come now friend, Jacky.” A large native man with deep black hair smiled in her direction, “Allow Dyna-of-the-Mike to partake in the festive drinks until his belly bloats.”

“You’re not the one that has to deal with him when you get home, Bo.”

He only responded with a pluck at his Eagle themed hat’s brim. From behind Jacky a small robot with a bright yellow hard-hat showed his face. “Jacky’s actions are scientifically justified,” the robot said with a high-pitched, squeaky voice. He reached down to help Dynamike to his feet, “The last time he got this drunk he set off a giant explosion at Idiot Crater.”

Bo was unfazed by this news, “I see no issue with a bit of destructive fun in an empty hole.”

The robot’s fluorescent eyes seemed frustrated, “It used to be called Idiot Rock.”

Bo couldn’t stop himself from breaking into hardy laughter. To his right joined a large circular robot. It’s giant purple pirate hat bouncing up and down as it’s shrill voice joined the party. “Now that’s the kind of party I live for.” A strange mechanical garble escaped the bright smile of a smaller robot at its side. “Well said Tick, I don’t think we could know how powerful a blast it was without an example.” The larger robot nudged Bo.

“Yes! The Captain Darryl is right. We must see what he is capable of.” The usually stalwart village elder had lost control of his reason.

And Dynamike was more than happy to oblige, “YEE-HEE! I’ll put on a firework show so big the army would blush like a school girl looking at her crush.”

Jacky quickly punched the older man over the top of his hard-hat. Dynamike’s body slowly tipped over, exposing his head and the tiny canary that sought refuge atop his skull. “You put on enough of a show for tonight. Carl and I can’t keep cleaning up your messes.”

A soft chuckle rang from the shadows, “Look at you. A bunch of old souls trying to chase youth by drowning your age in eggnog.” In a shimmer of smoke, a boy dressed in lime green and yellow appeared on the table before them. He had his hands resting on the tabletop while he kicked his legs absently back and forth, “You’re all so ugly when you're drunk.”

Jacky’s mood was growing sour, Bo however just laughed with the boy’s statement. “Leon… did you drink some of the nog?”

“Of course not… I don’t need alcohol to have fun.”

Bo warmly smiled at his ward, “Then why is your lollipop backward?”

Leon quickly shot a hand up to his mouth, quickly flipping the sucker so that he was sucking on the giant red candy. His face was still hidden under his hood, his body folding inward as if to hide inside his jacket. Bo was concerned he had embarrassed the boy, but was relieved when he saw him quickly fall backward across the table. His body sprawled wildly with his limbs stretching the length of the table.

“Eggnog tastes so good~” the boy’s cheeks were flushed and a goofy smile could be seen across his face. The rest of the party cheered along as they passed another drink to the boy. Bo would have stopped the underaged drinking but his mind felt foggy. And it was more fun to allow the boy to indulge himself a little. He was fifteen now, he was bound to get into alcohol someday. At least his first experience with alcohol would be surrounded by friends and family.

The thought process of family brought a question to his lips, “Leon, where’s Nita?”

“Here~”

Bo turned around to see the tiny child happily sipping on a novelty sized cup with a large straw to match. Her marron bear head swallowed her skull as she smiled from behind her mask, “Hello little one… and what are you drinking?”

“Eggnog~” Nita’s smile was bright and showed no form of intoxication or mischief.

Bo patted her on the head, “Of course you are, little one.”

“She’s not joking…” Bo looked up to see a girl in blue and white stripes walking up from behind. Her bright pink hair falling short to her shoulders as she took small sips on a clear glass of that same yellow liquid. “She's drinking eggnog.”

Bo requested for Nita to hand him the cup. A peek inside showed the contents were indeed eggnog. The faint smell of alcohol permeable from the massive quantity Nita housed within her cup. “Penny, she is far too young to drink this.”

“Yeah I thought so too. Then I followed her and Leon as they snuck a few drinks and she hasn’t even been fazed by the stuff.” Penny ruffled the head of the tiny child, smoothly plucking the cup from Bo’s hand and placing it back in Nita’s grasp. “Kid’s gotta alcohol tolerance that Mike should be jealous of.”

A large burp from the tiny child elicited another round of cheers from the drunks at the table and the bots that enjoyed the show. Penny tried to make her way to the table but was stopped by a tugging at her shirttail. She turned to see the small child fidgeting in place, “Penny…”

“Gotta pee?”

Nita gave a sheepish nod as a response. Penny blew a tired breath as she placed her and Nita’s drinks down on the table. She looked to Bo, “We’ll be right back.” She took Nita's hand and they disappeared into the women's restroom.

Bo turned back to the main table. His companions were currently reminiscing on their past. “Still can’t believe that you held off our ship with ya demolition equipment.”

Carl responded, “By all known laws of siege tactics you had the clear advantage. A large ship sitting on the water with cannons and mortar towers along with several throwable bombs and barrels. Meanwhile, all we had were sticks of dynamite and my pickaxe to match your ranged offensive.”

“But ya didn’t count for one thing,” Jacky put a foot upon the table. “I didn’t have any lunch that day!”

Tick garbled something out sporadically. Darryl quickly rescinded to his companion, “Ha, you were scared? Think about how I felt when I looked over me hull and saw the devil dressed in yellow?”

They all had a laugh at the image of Jacky as the female devil. Dynamike slurred out, “What about Leon trying to steal from ya?”

Darryl was quick to give the kid a soft jab, “I never got those doubloons back ya invisible brat.”

“And ya never will.”

“What ya do with the money ya pilfered from our storage?”

Leon pondered the question for a second. “I dunno,” he responded with a smile.

Most of the table was rocked by the revelation. “Ya mean to tell me ye steal nearly fifteen hundred gems worth of doubloons from my storage. Then ya lose it.” Leon stuck out his tongue as he giggled at his own mistake. “Why’d ya steal it?!”

Leon puffed out his chest, “It was never about the money. It was about sending a message.”

Darryl quickly took the boy's skull up in a headlock. “I got ya message right here.” He proceeded to grind his robot knuckles into the young assassins hooded scalp. The boy tried to escape his metallic clutches but eventually realized he was too intoxicated to fight back.

Bo was starting to feel sober with time so he decided to rise up from his seat. With another glass raised in hand, he called everyone’s attention. “I love messing with Leon as much as the next brawler but tonight is a special night. It is the night before the night before Christmas. And this night is the only chance we have to celebrate the amazing gifts we shall be given in two days' time. So let’s drink till we can’t anymore. Barley has given us the bar to ourselves and we shall not let a single inch of it go to waste.”

He signaled for everyone to join him in raising their cups, “Merry Christmas!”

On queue, like a choir following the lead singer they all cheered, “And a Happy New Year!”

As they downed their glasses and mugs Penny and Nita joined from behind. “Darn did I miss one of Bo’s legendary speeches?” She reached out to help the slightly intoxicated leader back to the floor. “Do it again, for your favorite pirate?”

“Perhaps some other time my friend.” He took a seat and placed his glass to the side. Nita quickly took a seat beside him, slurping merrily on her comically large drink’s straw.

Penny decided to move towards her crewmates choosing to converse with them about tonight’s plans. As they finalized some key details, Penny’s phone started to ring. She covertly checked the caller’s ID, grimacing when she saw the name on the screen. Darryl was inquisitive as to who was calling her this late but she quickly dismissed his suspicions with, “We aren’t leaving tomorrow right?”

“We won’t be setting sails till the start of the new year. Take your time.” Penny thanked the larger bot for understanding and not prying into her business. She slinked out the front door, the cold wind blowing through the bar as she took the private phone call.

While Darryl was not one to pry, Nita did not like to be kept in the dark. She placed her drink on the table and slid out of her chair. Bo noticed her sudden departure. He asked her where she was going to which she responded, “I’m checking on Penny.” She pointed her tiny finger toward the front door.

Bo nodded his head slowly, “Ah yes. Go my child. You see, it is this caring nature of yours that is your best quality. It is with these warm and caring emotions that you show your wild side is not the entirety of your character,” he mused drunkenly. When he opened his eyes to look at Nita he was met with the wooden flooring. Another cold breeze signaled that she had exited out the front door.

Bo took a groggy look at his mug, which was full again. “When did I fill this?”

The air was frigid, it felt as though it would freeze the snot that ran from her nose. She tried to rub her arms with her palms to create some heat, but she wasn’t getting any warmth.

She decided to hurry up and search for Penny. Her first instinct was to try and track her scent. Her animal-like senses allowed her to pick up on the smallest traces of familiar smells she experienced before, and Penny’s scent was a smell she knew all too well.

However, the freezing air made her nose go numb. She couldn’t get a scent with the lack of feeling in her nostrils. With smells eliminated, she opted for sight, but there weren’t any tracks on the ground. It was cold but there wasn’t a drop of snow on the ground.

Then she had a realization. She lifted the sides of her bear head to reveal her acute ears. She relaxed as her warm ears picked up on all the sounds around her. She ignored the rushing wind and traveling pedestrians, searching for a trace of her voice. She picked up a faint murmuring coming from behind the bar.

She hurried down the alley between the two buildings, peeking around the corner for a sight of Penny. The girl was standing against the wall with her phone to her ear. Nita couldn’t make out what was being said on her phone but she tried her best to piece together the conversation from Penny’s words.

“You can’t be serious… I already stopped by once this month. I'm clear… I’m with family tonight.” Penny’s head raised up, her eyes scanning for any eavesdroppers. Nita quickly ducked behind the wall choosing to keep listening behind the cover. “He doesn’t need my help… Why should I?” There was another long pause followed by Penny’s frustrated grumbles.

Nita started to peek over the edge until she heard something crash into the trash cans behind her. “Hey kid, what ya doin’ out here?” Nita watched in horror as Dynamike stumbled down the alleyway. His drunken jaunt caused more noise than a helicopter landing.

She quickly ran up to him, propping him up on her arms to help guide his path. Dynamike lazily looked down at Nita, “Awe I’m good kid, I been drunker than this when I was half ya age.”

Nita shushed him to the best of her abilities but he seemed unresponsive to reason. She quietly sat him down so he could rest against the wall, a few more jolly giggles escaping his wasted throat.

Then she heard it, the sound of careful footsteps. Her ears trained on the jingling of Penny’s jewelry as she tried to sneak up to them. She tried to think fast, she didn’t know why but she didn’t want Penny to know they were there. Dynamike made another sloppy sound like he was trying to laugh but choked on his own tongue.

Nita quickly silenced him by putting her hands up to his mouth. She could hear Penny getting closer. In a last-second decision, Nita made a soft mewing sound. A soft and innocent noise like that of a cat’s meow.

She noticed the absence of Penny’s movement, but that wasn’t enough. She let out a more aggressive hiss. Giving off the illusion that there was a territorial feline lurking in the shadows. After a short pause, she heard Penny’s feet start to move away from them. She let out a sigh of relief then let go of Dynamike’s mouth.

“Now that was a great cat impersonation.”

“Ssshhh!” Nita peeked around the corner noticing Penny’s back was turned again. She looked down at Dynamike, “Don’t move.”

She finally turned the corner, slowly walking up behind her seafaring friend. She caught the end of her conversation, “Okay send me there.” Nita watched as she put the phone away then looked up at the sky.

Nita meekly called, “Penny.”

The pirate snapped in her direction, “Nita?” The tiny girl walked directly beneath her, “What are you doing here?”

“I saw you leave the bar and thought I would follow.”

Penny started frantically looking around, placing both hands on Nita’s shoulders. “You shouldn’t be here.” She quickly turned Nita around and pushed her forward, “Go back inside.”

Nita easily moved past her and stood where Penny was standing, “Why?”

“What?”

“Why do I have to go inside?”

Penny racked her brain then rushed out her response. “Because you're going to catch a cold.”

Nita looked her up and down, “What about you?”

“Uh… I’m fine.” She went behind Nita again, “Now go!”

She was able to get Nita to take a few steps but was quickly halted by another weight. She was stunned by the heavy body of the older Dynamike, his figure reeking of the alcohol-infused eggnog.

She tried to hold up the weight of the two but Dynamike’s body was surprisingly dense. They tumbled to the floor in an ugly heap before Dynamike lifted them both up in a sideways hug. “Now what are some of my favorite girls doing out in the cold? The drinks are inside.”

Nita watched as Penny continued to fight his hold. The look on her face was desperation like she was running from something. “Penny?” The pirate paused her escape attempt at the mention of her name. “What’s wrong?”

Penny’s voice had caught in her throat. Those baby-doll eyes widened as they heard a buzz coming from above their heads.

She struggled to get out of Dynamike’s grip, but it was no use. The world knows no tighter hold than that of a drunk miner.

“You need to leave! Now!” A bright light came over the alleyway as the pirate shouted. The three brawlers looked towards the sky, the blinding light nearly burning their corneas

Dynamike threw up the question, “Is it just me or is the moon extra bright?”

“Is it getting closer?” Nita squinted her eyes so she could see what was moving towards them.

“Move! Now!” Penny tried to shift them away from the falling light, but she felt their feet slowly lifting off the floor. “Shit...”

Nita and Dynamike were frozen by the light. They watched in horror as the pirate started to dissolve before their eyes. Her body separated into tiny blocks as the light pulled them away like a tractor beam. As Penny’s body disappeared, they felt an odd sensation tickling the top of their heads. This strange feeling of being stretched apart like putty or rearranged like Lincoln logs.

Her vision was fuzzy, but she saw her hands dissolving. This feeling that started at her head was rushing through her body. Then she felt her body shift like she had grown several stories taller. If she could move, she imagined she would have been able to stretch an entire brawl ball field.

Then as soon as that feeling came all feeling was lost. Her vision went black, her hearing was silenced, her taste buds eradicated. It was as though she had stopped existing. Like the world she once knew had been replaced by a black void.

And as soon as the void took her, she escaped. Her mind refocusing on a sea of reds and greens. Her eyes scanned her surroundings, she could see strange machinery with small billows of smoke flying out several chimneys above. There were giant peppermint wheels rolling by and cotton candy clouds floating high above. She tried taking a step, now noticing the lack of flooring beneath her. She fell to the floor in a heap, her elbow smashing against the floor first and sending a shocking shiver through her spine. She could feel a tear forming in the corner of her eye.

Another thud sounded off beside her, Dynamike’s body crashing to the floor painfully. “Mr. Mike?” She tried shaking him awake, but he was unresponsive. A loud snore escaping his mouth.

She gave up trying to wake him, returning to investigating this new location. However, her senses were soon assaulted by a new sensation. She could smell the distinct scent of freshly roasted chestnuts on an open fire. A cool mist chilling her nose. This mist proceeded to envelop her, the girl’s whole body smelling of the Christmas treat. 

Nita quickly shifted to her feet, her vision blurry but her senses on high alert. She could make out the forms of a few small people moving towards her. Their weapons pointed her way. A hand fell on her shoulder, the tiny child easily flipping them over her back and kicking it away. She heard the sound of soft electricity coming from her right. She sent a dangerous shockwave in its direction, four or five blurs getting launched into the air and falling down helplessly.

Another group could be felt to her right. She wildly threw herself into the crowd, her raw force pushing them around like ragdolls in a washing machine. Her rampage continued unhindered. The tiny child ran through the crowd, carving a bloody canyon with their bodies.

She slowed down when their advances seized. The adrenaline that had been driving her actions slowly faded away. And with the loss of her adrenaline boost, so did she lose strength in her limbs. She dropped to a knee, her vision slowly going black. She could hear a body being pulled away from her. She assumed this was Dynamike being taken away, but she couldn’t see anything.

A stun-baton stabbed at her back, the electricity coursing through her spine and causing her to collapse. The bodies rained down on her, bombarding her with a mixture of hand-to-hand blows and weapon assisted assaults.

As her vision finally faded, she could see a small pink dot approaching her. ‘ _Ally_ ’ she thought. ‘ _Friend._ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sammy** : Hello, and welcome to Santa’s Little Helpers  
>  **Queen** : Yeah, Why did you make it sound like I was the only one writing this?  
>  **Sammy** : _*shrugs shoulders*_ Dramatic Effect.  
>  **Queen** : You sir are absolutely insane. Anywho, like he said, Welcome to Christmas! Brawlidays? Whatever floats your boat.  
>  **Sammy** : And whatever you do, don’t rock that boat cause we are going on a cruise through the holiday season! We plan on finishing this story by Christmas Day! Ain’t that right Queen?  
>  **Queen** : Yep! We’ve got the next couple chapters geared up and ready to go, and we’re going to be dropping one or two every day until Christmas! So we hope you’re ready to get festive! Woohoo!  
>  **Sammy** : I’m sorry did you say ONE OR TWO CHAPTERS EVERYDAY~?!  
>  **Queen** : We have the material for it. _*makes realization*_ Oh wait that was a dramatic cue... THAT’S RIGHT SAMMY WE’RE GONNA BE DROPPING ONE OR TWO CHAPTERS EVERY DAY! So make sure you come back every day to read the next part of the story that we posted!  
>  **Sammy** : With an upload schedule like that you would have thought I came up with it. I think I’m rubbing off on you~.  
>  **Queen** : Between the length and the schedule, I’d say you're probably right. But we will have this up by Christmas if it kills me so we’re doing this.  
>  **Sammy** : Us. Kills us. And speaking of us, we would like to thank you for reading the first chapter. *whispers* Hey Queen.  
>  **Queen** : _*whispers back*_ Hey what?  
>  **Sammy** : _*whispers in response*_ Can I say the thing?  
>  **Queen** : _*still whispering*_ you can say the thing.  
>  **Sammy** : _*with a goofy smile*_ Thank you for reading another one of m- I mean OUR Silly Scripts!  
>  **Queen** : My turn?  
>  **Sammy** : But of course madam~  
>  **Queen** : Thank you, please keep reading, and goodnight!


	2. Deck the Halls and a Couple of Elves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nita and Dynamike go to find Penny. Not the ideal rescue party, especially since she doesn't need to be rescued.

When Nita next opened her eyes, she was in some sort of cell, wrapped to the bed with the sort of licorice that you peel like string cheese. The walls were a deep dark brown and smelled of chocolate sprinkled with rosemary. She scanned the room as well as she could from where she was laying.

There were two guards outside the cell, both almost as short as she was. They were wearing the same red and green ensemble that the others were wearing earlier, these just in darker shades. She noticed Dynamike still lifeless in the corner of the cell, the guards must not have restrained him.

A few quick bites to the chains had her freed, though she stayed lying on the bed, thoughtfully chewing on her candy chains. She eventually figured if she was going to escape, she would need to know where she was.

"Hey, Misters, where are we?" She asked, walking up to the bars and wrapping her hands around the sticky material. She pulled one hand away and sniffed to try to catch a scent. ' _Smells… sweet.'_

"We give out that information on a need-to-know basis. You do not need to know," the first guard remarked haughtily, his face still facing forward. The second one just glared at her before turning to whack his friend on the shoulder. "What do you want, Virg… how did you get out of your chains?" The guard asked, staring at her. Nita merely raised her eyebrows and licked her lips.

"They were very yummy." Both guards seemed shocked that the child would eat candy.

"You- never mind, it doesn't matter! You'll never get out of that cell! The bars are black licorice swirled pieces of unsweetened chocolate!" Nita wrinkled her nose and licked her hand, tasting the pure cocoa flavor on her palm. She slammed her hand on the bars and looked around the tiny cell, looking for something she could use. As she searched, she caught Dynamike's eyes. The man looked as if he was simultaneously drunk and hungover.

In Nita's eyes, he looked like the perfect tool for escape.

"Morning Mr. Mike, do you want something to eat?"

Dynamike groaned and put a hand to his head. "That would be lovely, dear."

Nita grabbed his elbow and helped him up, leading him to the bars. "Mr. Mike, do you like unsweetened chocolate? Or black licorice?"

"Do I love coal soot choking my lungs?!" Dynamike bolted for bars, sinking his teeth deep into the sturdy and squishy treat. His voracious tear through the bars startled the guards as Nita happily watched from behind. The guards called for backup as Dynamike ripped a section of the bar with ease. When the bars were weak enough, Nita summoned her bear.

"I would run," she said innocently as Bruce crashed through the bars. Nita grabbed Dynamike's hand and dashed after the beast, blowing a raspberry at the guards as she passed. The two of them ran through the halls, barreling through anyone who got in their way. A group of guards here, a few workers there, no one could stand in their way.

As they ran further through this foreign complex Nita noticed that the candy themed structure was getting more intricate with each turn. Peppermint pillars, gingerbread tables, even the water that was turning a giant wheel outside seemed to be flowing with an eggnog like liquid. Nita was trying to breathe through her mouth in order to block the sickening scent of candy assaulting her senses.

Dynamike finally registered their current situation, "Nita?! Where are we going?"

"I dunno, away from the cell?" She hadn't given the plan much thought, she preferred to escape first then plan later.

A frantic tapping at her shoulder caught her attention, "Behind us!"

She turned to see a small group of men and women rushing behind them. All the tiny people were equipped to the teeth with sharp candy canes and pretzel batons. She thought she saw a strange wooden shotgun with walnuts bobbling inside a glass case.

Her mind searched for a solution to their predicament. Bruce could handle the front but they didn't have a plan to lose this swarm of people. "Mr. Mike, slow them down!"

"How?!"

"Explosions!"

Dynamike's smile grew several sizes at that word. He didn't get the green light often but when he did… he went wild. He jumped in the air, rotating his body so he was facing the swarm. With a toothy grin reaching from cheek to cheek, he reached into the giant barrel he kept on his back and assaulted the crowd with deadly explosives.

The sparks that lit up the ground from his bombs danced across his giddy eyes. He landed and continued to run with Nita freely, "I love TNT!"

As her companion pushed forward and Dynamike held off the growing swarm behind, Nita tried to scan for a safe place to hide. She got her solution with a large crevice between what looked like a cake shop and a doll store. She turned back to Dynamike, requesting a giant distraction so they could slip away. She got her request with Dynamike spinning wildly.

As his rotations increased she watched as several sticks of dynamite flew around them. Bruce stopped rushing forward, sensing Nita's new instructions and ducking between the two buildings. Their pursuers scattered in hopes of avoiding the uncultivated offensive. When they all dispersed Nita and Dynamike joined Bruce inside the crevice.

They sat there silently for a while, watching as several guards and civilians ran around them. They noticed a theme in the people's dress, red and green with strange shoes and bells across their garments. When the search started to calm Nita found it safe to talk, "Where are we?"

Dynamike and Bruce shrugged as a response.

Nita scratched her head through her bear pelt, "Where's Penny?"

Dynamike and Bruce looked at one another with concern.

Nita bumped her head against the wall, "What's happening?"

The two males watched with concern as Nita sulked silently. The miner tentatively reached a hand out, "Listen kid. I know this is weird. Being in some strange place and losing your friend, but everything's gonna be fine."

Nita wasn't easily convinced, "Why are you so calm?"

"Eh. This isn't the first time I woke up somewhere I didn't fall asleep."

"How does that help us?"

"It means that I'm used to handling strange and unusual situations. Besides, we're brawlers. We can do anything." He accented that statement with a soft punch to the shoulder.

Nita couldn't help but smile at his encouraging words. "You're not as bad as Jacky says."

"Of course not… I'm worse." They both softly chuckled at his self-deprecating humor. Bruce interrupted their laughter with a few short growls.

Nita looked up at her familiar, "You're right, we need to move." She patted her face, trying to get the blood flowing back to her cheeks.

Dynamike checked his giant barrel, pulling out a few extra boom-sticks. He looked to Nita, who was currently peeking out of their hiding spot. "What's the plan?"

"We have to escape…"

"Obviously."

"But first, we've gotta find Penny."

"Sounds good to me." He joined her in scanning their surroundings, a few guards walked past them. They heard them mention an older male with sticks of fire, a giant bear with the face of a cub, and a child with teeth like knives. After chuckling at the accurate descriptions Dynamike posed a question, "How do we find Penny?"

Nita pointed towards a large door in the distance. Large wooden handles were shown visually but the people that entered made their way through a small door at the bottom. "Big means important."

"You think they're holding her there?"

"Even if they aren't, whatever's in there must be important. Either we find Penny, or we find their boss."

Dynamike marveled at the girl, "That is a surprisingly well thought out plan."

"Someone has to be the voice of reason, you crazy old man."

Dynamike gave his response through pursed lips, "Ugh, Jacky's rubbing off on you."

Nita playfully stuck out a tongue before refocusing on their target ahead. They both noticed the large number of guards and traffic heading in and out the door. They both talked for a minute, trying to find the safest way inside. But all their plans came to the same conclusion; they would have to fight their way through the door.

Nita stood from her seated position, cracking her knuckles and popping a stiff joint in her neck. She looked behind her, her bear companion standing tall above them. "Ready big guy?" Bruce responded with a gruff snort. She looked back to Dynamike, "What about you grandpa?"

Dynamike's back cracked as he stood up. He gladly popped his stiff spine then smiled at the girl, two sticks of dynamite seeming to magically appear in his hands. "Age is just a number. But I'll show ya what I've learned in all these years."

"Alright… We go on three." Bruce dropped low to the ground, his massive claws extending as he prepared to go to war.

"One…"

Dynamike pulled out his lighter, easily shifting it from one hand to the other.

"Two…"

Nita took a good whiff of the air. She could smell all the mixing scents of human bodies and sickening sweets. She couldn't tell how many people were ahead of them, but she knew that number would only grow as they pushed through the crowd.

What she did know… this was going to be fun.

* * *

"Three more seconds. Three more seconds and I could have gotten them out of there."

"I told you Penny there was no time to waste. We are on the clock."

Penny threw her hands behind her head, "364 days and you idiots can't even do maintenance without me."

The tiny man she was following quickly turned to face her. He had his finger in the air as he stiffly gripped a clipboard in his free hand. He clicked his tongue twice then said, "None of the sass. The sooner you get done the sooner you go home."

Penny rolled her eyes, choosing to focus on her surroundings as she absently followed the miniature man. She took in the sights and smells around her. Large floral displays of ruby red bows and snow white sparkles fell from the ceiling above. She shifted to her right, allowing a small group of workers to run past with bike parts in hand. Another group could be seen on the edges of the giant room, tinkering away at more items she couldn't identify.

As they approached their destination, Penny quickly gave the room another scan. She noticed several of the workers looking to her in awe. She rolled her eyes again, turning back to the man that led her here.

She blew a frustrated breath as a large man dressed in deep reds and dazzling whites approached them. He stood over her like a skyscraper, but the smile that was plastered across his merry mug projected his warm personality. "Alright, Nicky, what seems to be the problem with the hunk of junk this year?"

Her escort scoffed at her, "Penny! You can not address Mr. Claus in such a manner! He is the spirit of Christmas, he is to be treated with respect!"

"I assure you, Sparkle, it's quite alright." Mr. Clause let loose a hefty laugh that originated deep within his belly. "I do hate to interrupt your night but the balance seems off and the seat won't stop rocking. I would hate for the presents to fall out the sleigh during the trip."

Penny pinched the bridge of her nose. "The balance probably seemed off because the seat was rocking, but I can check it anyways," she grumbled. She opened a panel on the bottom of the sled that led to the Magical Balance Distributors. She requested a flashlight, which one of Santa's little helpers quickly passed her way. "I don't see anything, so it was probably just the seat messing with your head." She stood up and stretched. "You called me all the way here for a rocking bench? Seriously? You're worse than Tick when he has a squeaky hinge." Penny climbed up into the sled, calling for a wrench and searching under the seat for any loose bolts.

Mr. Claus peaked over the edge of the sleigh, "You know, Penny, with all the help you provide for us we should give you an official elf name. I'm thinking… hm… Kringle McJingle?" Penny shot a grumpy grimace at Santa, who was chuckling to himself softly. "On a serious note, thank you for checking the old bird over before Christmas. I can't deliver toys if I'm tossing my cookies with all that rocking!" The man let loose another belly laugh, his signature "Ho Ho Ho!" ringing across the room.

Penny rolled her eyes again and jumped out of the sleigh. "I just need to reactivate the balances, and she should be all good." Penny said, crawling back under the sleigh.

Sparkle stepped up to the pair, "Sir, could you come here for a second? There seems to be a problem with one of the toy belts." Santa sighed and walked around to the back side of the sleigh.

Penny was humming a frustrated song to herself as she worked on the sleigh. Just as she finished reactivating the balances, the volume of the room swelled a little and she heard one of the reindeer whinny. She cringed as she thought about whoever was on the other end of those hooves. She lifted the panel that covered the inner workings of the sleigh and reached out requesting a screwdriver.

After a short pause Penny grew frustrated, "Hey, where's my screwdriver?" She shouted. A little hand slipped under the sled. "Thanks-"

"Help me," the elf groaned, his face pleading for a savior. He had bruises covering most of his face and was missing a few teeth.

 _What in the name of Darryl's lucky hat happened to him?_ She carefully set the panel back on the floor and slid over to the wounded elf. "Hey, Twinkletoes, what's up with your face?" The elf wailed and laid his head back on the floor.

"They're monsters! They took out the entirety of the Chimneysweep Unit!" Penny sucked in a sharp breath. The Chimneysweep Unit was a legion of trained spy elves, dedicated to taking care of people who gave Santa trouble when he was delivering presents. No normal person could beat them all. Even a few of them gave her trouble.

"Dangit, did Krampus' Kronies come back for round 2?" she began to shimmy her way out from under the sled. The elf put a hand on her kneecap.

"Ms. Penny?"

"What?"

The elf smiled tiredly at her. "Just Twinkle is fine. Twinkletoes was my father." Penny pushed the extra small elf under the sleigh. As she stood up from her prone position a small weight crashed against her gut. The force of the projectile knocked her off her feet, the body laying on top of her. She pushed the body off and gasped at the scene. In her lap was the unconscious body of Private Jason Sprinkles, second in command of the Chimneysweep Unit. ' _Sweet sails, Twinkletoes wasn't lying! They're wiping the floor with the sweeps._ '

She pushed the private aside and hopped to her feet. She scanned the carnage before her. Noticing what seemed to be hundreds of elves all colliding on one position. She stared in awe as bodies flew away from the epicenter of this sentient storm.

As she dodged the human projectiles she noticed that the beings launching them were three humanoid objects. She noticed a small speck of red and white heads bobbing up and down. A list of explosions were rocking the ground as she got closer. She turned to her right and observed a group of elves exploding from double dynamite domination.

As she grew closer she noticed more similarities in their attacks. Explosions were being lobbed from a safe distance. Shockwaves rocked the ground around her as a giant creature ripped through the crowd. Then Penny noticed it, the giant creature's big black nose and sharp teeth. It's marron red fur and ferocious roar. She knew that bear from anywhere. She looked towards the center and saw them.

Dyanmike and Nita were easily tearing through the army of elves like a rainstorm melting paper-mâché.

She sulked at the scene, ' _Of course it's them._ '

Penny slipped her Plunderbuss from her thigh holster. She took her time, patiently waiting for the perfect opportunity. A chance to catch their attention and calm them down in one shot. She got her opportunity when Nita slipped behind Bruce, the massive beast absorbing the ranged attacks of the elves useless weaponry.

With a calm mind she pulled the trigger, releasing a large coin pouch filled with the shiny doubloons collected from years of pillaging across the seas. Bruce saw the attack, spreading his arms out to absorb the brunt of the blow. The coin pouch was deceptively powerful, the coins seeming to bore a hole deep into his furry frame. Nita could feel his pain and turned to face her companion.

She was unfortunately met with the force of many tiny coins assaulting her face and flesh. Dynamike was also destroyed by the doubloons, dropping a stick of dynamite at his feet. He kicked it away and watched as another wave of elves went up in smoke.

Nita recovered from the shocking attack a giant smile on her face. "I know that feeling." She looked past her giant bear, her heart warming up at her friend's presence. "Penny!"

Penny wasn't as happy, "What are you doing?!"

"W-What?"

Penny loaded another shot, "What are you doing?"

Nita quickly gave a pleading response, "Saving you!"

Penny motioned towards herself, "Do I look like I need saving?"

Nita was going to respond, but Bruce had grown enraged. He reached to his side, picking up a limp body by it's leg and raising it high above his head. Penny squinted her eyes then her blood chilled, ' _Mother of mermaids is that the head of the Chimneysweeps?_ ' She pointed her barrel at Bruce, "Bruce put the elf down."

Dynamike heard her demand, "Elf?"

Bruce was not open for negotiations. He launched the Chimneysweep's leader at Penny's head. She easily rolled out the way, watching in horror as the leader's body crashed against the sleigh with a sickening smack.

The sleigh teetered back and forth on it's stand, trying to find its equilibrium and failing miserably. Penny could only watch as the sleigh toppled over, crashing to the ground. Penny ripped at her hair, "Now the MBD really is screwed up!"

Penny turned back to the trio, ready to scold them for almost ruining Christmas. Then she heard a terrifying sound. A low groan that reeked of dying joy. She ran over to the turned over sleigh and gasped at the sight. Trapped beneath the sleigh was the jolly old giant Santa Claus himself.

Sparkle quickly jumped to his feet, screaming over the chaos, "KRINGLE HAS BEEN CRUSHED!"

The elves that had been throwing their bodies at the intruders quickly turned their attention to the accident.

"Santa! Are you okay?!" Penny cried out with the first sign of concern since she arrived.

"Santa? What in tarnation are you talking about, Penny?" Dynamike asked as he was shoved around by the swarm of elves Penny was too focused on rescuing the spirit of Christmas to respond.

"Nita! Get over here!" Penny shouted, trying to assess the damage done to both the sleigh and Santa himself. Nita was still confused but didn't ask many questions. "Can you lift this?" Nita squatted down and slid her hands under the sleigh, easily lifting the giant cart off of Santa's body. Penny and the elves quickly pulled him out then swarmed him like bees to honey.

Penny spoke up, "Santa, are you okay?" He tried to groan out a response but she quickly silenced him. "Of course you aren't, you got flattened by your sleigh! What hurts?"

"Penny, while I appreciate your concern I'm fine." He pushed several of the elves away and tried to get to a vertical base. He quickly crumbled down to the ground, his leg giving out beneath him.

"For the love of all that is merry and bright Claus, sit down!" Santa groaned again as Penny led him over to a bench, acting as his crutch. "Sparkle, round up all the Candy Strippers you can find. Claus needs medical attention."

"Right away." Penny turned to face the masses of elves. Some were lying immobile on the floor, others were walking around, trying to clean up the mess and help their fellow elves. She climbed onto the overturned sleigh, careful not to dent anything that she would have to repair.

"If you aren't hurt, you need to start clearing the way for the sleigh! Christmas is still happening, ye pitiful keebler rejects!" The elves who could walk bustled away, leaving the medical elves to take care of their injured comrades. Penny hopped off of the sleigh and walked over to find Sparkle. "If he can't deliver, Mrs. Claus can, right?"

Sparkle flipped through the paper on his clipboard in a panic. "I think so? I'm not entirely sure. Hardly anybody knows what Mrs. Claus does on Christmas." Penny grabbed the elf by his collar and hoisted him into the air.

"Then find out. Unless you want most of the earth bawling on Christmas morning," She snarled, dropping him and watching as he scrambled to his feet and scampered away. "Nita. Sleigh. Get it upright." The girl nodded and grabbed the lip of the sleigh, lifting it as if it were a toy. Once she lifted it over her head, Bruce stepped in to help, pushing it up the rest of the way. Nita went over to Penny to ask her what she could do next and found her talking to another elf, this one wearing a bright red candy cane patch on her shoulder.

"Nita, Mike, let's go. The Candy Strippers are here to take Claus to the infirmary, and he wants to talk to us." Penny growled, shoving her hands in her pockets, already starting to follow the medics carrying Santa to the infirmary. Nita and Dynamike shrugged before running to catch up.

"Hey Penny, where are we?" Nita asked perkily. Penny glanced at the smiling girl out of the corner of her eye.

"Santa's workshop, obviously," she huffed.

Nita hummed contentedly before freezing in her tracks. "Wait, really?" Penny groaned internally as Dynamike's interest was piqued.

"Wait, You mean the big man in the red coat? His workshop?" Dynamike asked. Nita was already starting to bounce on the balls of her feet.

"No, Santa as in the Easter bunny."

Nita stopped bouncing for a second. "What?"

Penny rolled her eyes. "I was being sarcastic."

"So we get to meet Santa!" Nita shouted, jumping up and down and running around. Penny growled, feeling her sanity stretch and start to snap.

"How are you so chipper?" Penny shouted, turning on Nita. "Don't you realize what you did?"

Nita couldn't formulate a response, she was taken aback by the sudden outburst. Dynamike stepped towards Penny, pushing Nita behind him. "Now Penny, maybe you shouldn't get so worked up about this."

Penny was tired of their reckless antics. She pushed Dynamike into Nita, forcing the girl to catch him. "Maybe you should be more concerned, Dynamike, because in case you haven't noticed, you just ruined Christmas! Congratulations!" Penny stormed off, still following the medics, leaving Dynamike and Nita stunned.

"Mr. Mike, did we really ruin Christmas?" Nita sniffed. Dynamike put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug.

"We can fix this. Now, let's go see ol' Mr. Claus, alright?" Nita sniffled again and nodded, and the two walked off to go find Santa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Queen** : And just like that, a child and an elderly drunk manage to single handedly ruin Christmas.  
>  **Sammy** : Meh not their fault tho. They were kidnapped.  
>  **Queen** : In a weird, magical way. If I were in their shoes, I would probably summon a giant, elf-destroying bear too.  
>  **Sammy** : In the words of the immortal masters of swag. It is what it is. *walks off into the distance*  
>  **Queen** :Where are you going?  
>  **Sammy** : I dunno… somewhere. They're all yours.  
>  **Queen** : Okay then. Well, everyone, hope you liked this chapter! We’re gonna have a double header tomorrow, so get hyped for that! Thank you for reading another one of our silly scripts, please keep reading, and goodnight!


	3. Elven Cheer and Bears Dressed Like Reindeer

"Shells and barnacles, Claus, I am so sorry," Penny groaned.

Santa let out a feeble chuckle, "It isn't your fault, Penny."

"But it is! I should have been more careful. If those two would have never come here."

He placed a hand on the pirate's shoulder, "Penny." He stared deep into her frantic eyes, "It is not your fault. And it is not theirs either. They were scared and confused. Mistakes happen."

Penny wanted to complain, but her strength was sapped. She stood back for a second, allowing Santa some room to breath as an attendant checked his leg. His leg had been casted in record speeds and now rested peacefully in the air by a licorice sling. Penny hated how unsanitary their facilities were.

Just as Claus' nurse made her exit Nita and Dynamike rushed through the door. The tiny child was being flanked by the monstrous frame of Bruce. Upon seeing Saint Nick, Nita rushed to his bedside. "Santa, we're really sorry, but we didn't know where we were and the elves sprayed us with that stuff and-" Santa cut her off with a cough.

"Dear girl, I know you meant no harm, but actions have consequences. Roberta, if you would." A tall elf stalked into the room, trailed by a squadron of other elfs, all dressed in black. Penny recognized them as the Chimneysweep reserved forces.

"Take them away, boys." The group of elves grabbed Nita and Dynamike, cuffing them and beginning to haul them away. Nita struggled, going so far as to bite one of her captors, but nothing came of it. Dynamike simply hung his head, weak, hungover, and defeated. Penny watched in horror as a team of five elves threw a catch pole around Bruce's neck and secured a muzzle on his jaw before dragging him after his owner. "Have a nice night Penny, Mr. Claus," The tall elf said curtly before following her team and Penny's friends out of the room. Penny watched them go, her mind already racing with ways to break them out by the end of the night. Her train of thought was interrupted by Santa's cough. She rushed to find him a glass of water, but came back with a styrofoam cup of hot cocoa. Sometimes it scared her how sugary this place was.

"Hey, Kringle, I got you a cup 'o cocoa." Santa smiled at her weakly before taking the cup from her hands and taking a small sip. Penny plopped herself down on the chair next to Santa's bed and leaned back. "Holy hooks Claus, Who's going to deliver the presents? I told Sparkle to find the missus, but I haven't heard back from him." Santa grunted and set his cocoa down on the bedside table.

"Mrs. Claus spends Christmases with Mother Nature, in case something goes awry with the weather. She only delivers presents if we plan for me to have a vacation ahead of time." Penny nodded, placing her chin in her hands.

"So she's out. What about the Chimneysweep reserves? They go with you all the time."

"They're out too. They aren't experienced with placing gifts. No eye for the beauty of it. Besides, who would defend our stand-in Santa Claus then? We need someone well traveled-" Penny moved a hand to the map she kept in a holder on her waist, fiddling with it as she thought- "Confident-"

' _I could modify the sleigh for an elf driver in just a few minutes_ ' _,_ she thought, still trying to think of an elf who would be willing to fly it.

"And good at getting in and out without creating a fuss."

Penny nodded her head absently, "Gonna be hard to find an elf that matches that criteria." She looked up at the old man hoping that he had an idea for a possible candidate. She was surprised to see the spirit of Christmas staring a hole deep into her soul. The girl was confused until she made some connections, " _Well traveled, confident, and sneaky?_ "Penny sprung out of her chair and backed towards the door. "Say, Claus, I gotta go. I'll let you know if I find some-" she froze as she bumped into something large and furry. She whipped around to see Bruce looming over her, now clad in a Green reindeer onesie, complete with hooves. Nita popped out from behind her bear wearing a similar outfit.

"Look Penny, me and Bruce are reindeer!" She stepped into the light, and Penny saw that Nita was wearing an outfit similar to Bruce's, with just a few differences. "You can call me Red-nosed Nita!"

"I still don't understand why we're dressed like this, but this coat sure does keep me warm!" Dynamike stepped out from behind Bruce, revealing his Santa-like get-up.

From behind him the tall elf named Roberta returned, "They are ready just as requested Mr. Claus." Penny rushed back to Santa, still mentally connecting dots.

"No. Absolutely not. Leave them out of this Claus, this is too far." Santa shook his head, then grabbed Penny's hand.

"Penny, my dear, you have to do this. And unless you want them to spend the next year in my workshop, your friends will need to help."

"Penny, what's he talking about?" Nita asked. She shook Penny's arm, but the pirate was lost in her own thoughts. Her hands were shaking, and she was staring wide-eyed at a spot on the opposite wall.

"I can't do this." She whirled around to face Santa, knocking his cocoa off the table. "Claus, I can't do this! There has to be someone better than me. Anyone."

Claus shook his head sadly. "It has to be you."

"Lily-livered, yellow-bellied, land-loving son of a cannon ball!" Penny threw herself onto a chair and buried her face in her hands, taking shuddering breaths. Whispers of "I can't do this," and multiple swear words floated around the room, accompanied by an occasional half-sob.

Penny was busily trying to talk herself out of a panic attack when she was wrapped in a bear hug. Nita had shoved her way into Penny's lap, and now had a death grip on the pirate's waist.

"Penny… what's wrong?"

She squeezed the bundle of joy, "I can't do this."

Nita wasn't sure what was wrong, but she still wanted to help. "You can do this. We can do this."

"We?"

"Yeah! Me and Mr. Mike will help, right Mr. Mike?"

Dynamike waved towards them, "Whatever we can do to fix our mess, right?"

Penny stared at them for a moment, ' _If they believe in me, then…_ '

"Okay, yeah. Yeah, I can do this." she set Nita on the ground and stood up to stretch. She patted her cheeks, then made a realization. She snapped in Santa's direction, "On one condition." She pointed an accusatory finger at Santa's big red nose, "I want ten off Claus."

Nita and Mike looked at each other, neither understanding what that meant. Santa slowly stroked his beard, "I can give you four."

Penny returned a snarky response, "Oh wow, how about ten."

The doors suddenly flew open, another elf rushing inside. "Santa sir, we still haven't found a replacement." The tiny elf ran up to his side, "What are we gonna do?"

Santa placed a careful hand on his head, "Don't worry little one, I have it under control." He requested the elf return to helping the rest of the workers.

When the doors shut Penny turned back to Saint Nick, "So how about that ten?"

"Penny you must understand I can't alter th-"

"Yeah, yeah the rules. Whatever." She brushed her pink bangs out of her way, "Let me break this down for you. You've got the elves so riled up they haven't even put the reindeer on the sleigh. Your head elf Sparkle has lost the twinkle in his eyes. And the Chimneysweeps are currently sweeping themselves off the floors. Face it, you need me more than I need you. Now I want my ten and I want it now."

Santa silently mewed over his options. Nita slowly walked up to Penny, "Maybe we should just help him."

Penny dismissed the girl non-verbally, focusing on Santa. "Are you really gonna risk Christmas just to hold a grudge?"

Santa stared deep into her soul, "Are you?" The pirate didn't give a response, she just looked back into his soft blue eyes. Santa grumbled something then said, "Fine. You can have your ten off."

Penny returned a wild smile, "Pleasure doing business with ya." After taking a deep breath, she reached for her right earring. ' _For Christmas_ ' She pressed her thumb to where it connected with her ear then gave it a light tug. As she did, a green light poured out of the gold band and enveloped her. She could feel a thick, fuzzy fabric wrapping around her arms and legs as she floated just a few inches off the ground. She heard a small jingle just before a festive hat landed on her head. She softly floated back to the ground. She adjusted her hat and pulled her gloves up a little higher so that they fit properly. She was dressed in elven attire, complete with bell-toed shoes and red and green stockings. When she noticed Dynamike and Nita staring, she flashed them one of her signature grins.

"What are you two staring for? We gotta save Christmas!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Queen** : You guys, bad news: Sammy is still gone. So, I'm just gonna carry on without him. So, do you guys think these three-
> 
>  **…** : *Sounds of approaching crunches*
> 
>  **Queen** : What in the world is going on over there?
> 
>  **Sammy** : Sup...
> 
>  **Queen** : And where have you been?
> 
>  **Sammy** : Grabbing snacks… What I miss?
> 
>  **Queen** : Only the entire chapter. Nothing big. Magical girl transformations, the works.
> 
>  **Sammy** : Oooo. I love Sailor Moon. Have they gotten to the secret about-
> 
>  **Queen** : *clamps his mouth shut* no, they haven't, so no spoilers.
> 
>  **Sammy** : Okay. So what's next?
> 
>  **Queen** : Well- Wait, stop trying to get me to drop spoilers! And, to you lovely readers: thank you for reading another one of our silly scripts, please keep reading, and goodnight!
> 
>  **Sammy** : *crunches on popcorn loudly*
> 
>  **Queen** : Could you not? I'm trying to get the next chapter ready.
> 
>  **Sammy** : I could… but will I? *crunches on popcorn smugly*


	4. Gear Up

The trio strode down the hall, Penny's shoes and hat ringing with every step. The sight of all the elves working hard to get Christmas back on track filled them with determination. A few of the elves cheered as they walked past. As soon as he noticed, Sparkle ran up to them and stiffly fell into step beside Penny.

"Ms. Penny, I'm sorry, but Mrs. Claus is-"

"With Mother Nature, I know." Penny looked down at the little secretary elf, not bothering to slow down so he could keep up. "Take these two to get the supplies, ya squirming seadog. I gotta go adjust the sleigh so I can steer the great metal bird." Sparkle blinked in surprise.

"These two?" Penny turned around to face Sparkle, beginning to walk backwards instead.

"Sparkle, those two are who we got tonight besides me. So, meet Red-Nosed Nita and SantaMike!" Penny strode away, leaving the elf standing next to the two stand-in Santa Clauses. Sparkle sucked a frustrated breath in through his nose and pivoted on his heel, gesturing for Nita and Mike to follow him. The trio walked by a stack of hiking backpacks and Sparkle instructed them to grab three.

"I don't know how, but Santa manages to lose one of those every year. We keep backups just to be safe," Sparkle said as he nodded to another elf. The elf nodded back and grabbed the rest of the stack before scurrying away to the sleigh. "You'll need those in case you lose the ones you just picked up. Cookie is going to put them in the sleigh." Their next stop was at a large refrigerator. The handle was easily five feet above the ground, and it would take a giant to be able to reach the top shelf. Sparkle walked around to the side, grabbing a few red pouches out of a basket stuck to the fridge with candy cane magnets. He handed the pouches to Nita, then pulled her towards a tube drilled into the side of the fridge.

"Hold the bag open to the spout and let it fill up. The machine will stop dumping potions in when the bag is full. You two fill those and don't cause trouble. I'll be right back." Nita and Dynamike shrugged at each other and began filling bags as Sparkle bustled away. A few minutes later, he came back, clutching a small frame in one hand and holding a mesh bag full of small green pouches in the other.

"It is very important that you do not confuse the two pouches, as doing so could lead to disaster." He handed the bag off to Dynamike, but kept the frame tucked under one arm. Dynamike fumbled to grab the bag and adjust his grip on the other pouches he was holding.

"Say, uh, Sprinkle?" he began.

"Sparkle."

"Right, right. Sparkle, what's all this for? I ain't seen this many pouches since Jessie tried to use posies and lavender to freshen up the mine!" Sparkle glared at the miner out of the corner of his eye before shoving three small earpieces into his hands, not helping his already overflowing arms.

"Penny can tell you later, but we haven't the time right now. Let's keep moving." Sparkle began moving again, and Nita and Dynamike had no choice but to follow along. They made their way back to the sleigh, stopping only once more to pick up a large green present wrapped in a big red bow. When they got back to the sleigh, Penny was hauling the old bench away from the launch area. It seemed as though she had replaced it with one more suitable for her size. Sparkle cleared his throat, gesturing to the present when Penny turned to look at him.

"Ey! Lobber 2.0! Been a while since this old thing needed maintenance. Barely seen it since I made it." Nita's ears perked up when she heard the familiar name.

"Lobber 2.0? Like Ol' Lobber? What's this one do?"

Penny grinned, "I'll teach you in a sec." Penny hopped down from the sled and trotted over to Nita and Mike. She grabbed one of the red pouches Dynamike was carrying and stuck her arm in, rustling about for a second before pulling out a small bottle. Popping it open, she flashed the duo a smile. "Like you say Mike, down the mine!" She put the bottle to her lips and drank the entire thing in a quick swig. As she did, she started vibrating, becoming a blur before their eyes. She tipped them what might have been a wink, then flashed away. They watched her figure rush up the side of the sleigh, finally coming to a stop on the seat. She held up the frame Sparkle had been holding, a strange hologram could be seen in the center. Lobber 2.0 sat on the seat next to her. Sparkle sighed behind them.

"I suggest the two of you take one as well. A fair warning: They taste terrible." Nita reached into one of the pouches, pulling out a second bottle. She pulled the cork out and drank the contents. Sparkle was right, it did taste bad. Like spoiled eggs and long forgotten jolly ranchers. When she pulled the empty bottle away from her lips, the world was slower. Elves brought buckets to the reindeer and Bruce in slow motion, and Sparkle was talking to Dynamike as if his words were molasses. The only person who seemed to be moving normally was Penny, who was waving her over.

Dynamike stared as Nita blurred away to sit next to Penny. "So, this is what those drinks do? Make whoever drinks them fast?"

"Faster both physically and mentally. They also strengthen the skin of its user-" Sparkle leaned in close- "For wind resistance."

Dynamike took another look at the drink, "But what about the reindeer? We might be faster, but how are they gonna get around the world in a single night?"

Mike and Sparkle both turned to see the animals pacing at the speed of sound. Their hooves sounded off on the metal flooring like millions of firecrackers. A few careful elves could be seen fleeing the track with empty buckets. "They're having what you're having." Sparkle directed his attention to the roof. They could see the starry night sky expanding the heavens above. "Better hurry, it's almost time to take off."

Sparkle walked away on that statement. Dynamike took a deep breath, he had seen Nita's reaction to the drink but he wasn't prepared for it's putrid taste. After choking the drink down, the world slowed down to a near standstill. Nita screeched for him to join them. He was surprised to see Bruce was moving normally. That same mystical liquid that he had drunk could be seen coating the bear's maw.

Dynamike took a seat beside the child, "Isn't this awesome Mr. Mike? We're faster than Max!" She was bouncing up and down beside him.

"It's… a lot."

Penny placed a hand on his shoulder, "Yeah, I feel ya. But there's no time to explain." She pointed to an elf waving a green baton. She took a hold of the reins. They felt oddly heavy in her hands, but she didn't have time to waste. "You ready?"

Nita screeched her approval, her bear Bruce raising his paws to show agreement. Dynamike however, "Maybe we have time for a short explanation?"

"Here we go!" Penny whipped the reigns eliciting the reindeer to rush forward. Dynamike fell backward, Bruce easily catching him as they flew into the night sky. A giant cloud of snow and candy flew out the workshop with them.

When Dynamike recovered from the inertia he was staring down at the polar ice caps. And he was on eye level with the moon. He and Nita starred up at the massive sphere, it's lightly so soft yet so powerful. Penny peeked over her shoulder, "Enjoying the view?" They both just nodded absently, they were in a trance. "Well focus up. The mission starts now."

Penny passed Nita the frame she had been holding, "Nita, where we heading?"

The girl looked at the frame, "What?"

"That frame is a map. Which way is the nearest home?"

Nita looked down at the hologram again. It showed a bunch of scrolling names at the speed of light. Then there were locations for each name and a green or red mark for each. "I can't read it."

"You don't have to read it. It's magic. Just think about all the boys and girls that won't get their presents if we don't hurry and it'll point you in the right direction."

Nita took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and imagined the world. The morning of Christmas. Thousands of crying children as they looked under their trees to find a barren land. She could feel her heart ache as she thought of her friends and all their joy ruined because she wasn't fast enough.

As these thoughts grew louder she could hear a faint beeping in front of her. She opened her eyes to see a holographic arrow pointing to their left. "Penny! It's working!"

"Atta girl. Where to?"

"Umm… that way!" Nita jumped up to the front and pointed off into the distance.

"Alright! Dasher, show me what you got!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sammy** : *crying softly*
> 
>  **Queen** : What now?
> 
>  **Sammy** : You wrote most of this chapter all by yourself… and it was so descriptive. *snatches her up in a hug* I'm so proud of you!
> 
>  **Queen** : I try. I really do. So, ready for the grand finale tomorrow?
> 
>  **Sammy** : Hahaa… yeah… about that.
> 
>  **Queen** Sammy, what did you do?
> 
>  **Sammy** : So ya know how I love writing long, detailed stories.
> 
>  **Queen** : I feel like I know where this is going and I don't know how I feel about it.
> 
>  **Sammy** : Well I just checked the word count of what was supposed to be our next line break and well. I hit 2181 words in that section.
> 
>  **Queen** : You passed two thousand words in that one scene?
> 
>  **Sammy** : Okay in my defense… they did change locations in that scene.
> 
>  **Queen** : *head in her hands* So are we extending this by a day? You know what, no. Three chapters tomorrow. We'll be fine. Right?
> 
>  **Sammy** : Three chapters? Oh yeah sure. *mumbles* or four…
> 
>  **Queen** : Oh dear God I'm going to die. Wave 'em out Sam I need to go take a nap.
> 
>  **Sammy** : Queen? Queen?!
> 
>  **Queen** : *disappearing into the distance*
> 
>  **Sammy** : Oh okay she left me. Umm… thanks again for joining us for another one of our silly scripts, please keep reading, and goodnight! Queen?! Don't leave me here alone, it's dark...


	5. Throwing a (Monkey) Wrench Into Things

Once they had begun cruising towards the nearest house, Penny settled back in the seat.

“Alright, I’ll make this quick. The stuff you drank? Keeps you moving quick enough to deliver gifts, but you need to drink another one every so often, and eat lots of cookies.”

“Cookies?” Mike questioned.

“I love cookies!” Nita jumped in front of the miner.

“Great, cause those things make you burn more calories than there are suckers on an octopus.” Penny snorted at the look Nita and Mike gave each other as she pulled out one of the green pouches. “This is Wonder Dust. A sprinkle of this in the face makes the poor hapless victim forget the past five minutes or so. They’re also out like a light the second you hit ‘em.” She raised a finger, “Fair warning don’t use too much of it. There are… side effects to overexposure.”

Dynamike raised his hand, “What kind of side effects?”

“Well we used to have a librarian that housed all the knowledge and experiences of the previous Santas. Now he can’t even tie his shoes.”

Nita shot up, “There’s more than one Santa!?”

“That’s a story for another night,” Penny pointed at the frame that Nita was holding. “That’s the Naughty or Nice List.”

Nita raised her hand, “Wait I thought this was a map?”

“Doubles as both, don’t you love magic. Now, did Sparkle give you guys earbuds?” Dynamike held up the earpieces.

“These?”

Penny nodded. “Pass ‘em out, will you Mike?” Dynamike handed out the earbuds as Penny continued. “Those hook up to the list. When you get close to a house, they’ll tell you if the kid is naughty or nice.” Penny walked over to the stash of backpacks and held one up. “You guys each have one of these. They’re the condensed versions of Santa’s giant bag. They spit out the gifts you need, all you have to do is say the kid’s name and if they’re naughty or nice. Everyone clear?” Nita nodded confidently as Dynamike shook his hand in a so-so gesture. “Learn on the fly, Mike; the first house is right there. Esteemed Santas, welcome to Russia!

Their gift giving began on the furthest edge of the once grand Soveit Union. They rushed from rooftop to rooftop, hopping down tiny chimneys and rushing through cracked open doors to make their deliveries. The frigid cold didn’t affect them as their cells were moving as fast as sound travels. But just as Penny said, the potions would eventually wear off.

Nita and Mike were meeting up at a giant mansion to deliver their next presents. They checked their lists and said the necessary names. The children inside were mostly nice though there was always a bad egg in every bunch. Nita dashed up the side of the house with Mike close behind. When they jumped down the chimney, the flames were at a standstill. They easily walked out the fire and took notice of their surroundings.

They were at the edge of a beautiful ballroom. The chandelier that dangled overhead was spraying a dazzling light across the entire room. Nita found herself getting lost in its glow. It was like the stars in the skies had lent their power to these bulbs.

Then her eyes noticed the massive tree. She assumed it stood a monstrous twenty feet in the air. And from tip to trunk it was decorated with an array of sparkling ornaments. The topper was a set of bright red bows that just made the dark green branches pop out even more.

“Nita.” The girl turned at Dyanmike’s call. “Let’s hurry up and get these done. Still a few houses left on this road.”

Nita quickly joined him under the tree, the two taking their time to call out each name and retrieve the necessary gifts from their bags. Nita called the name, “Katina Gugunava. Nice,” and a large box rose to the front of her bag. She shimmied it out and gawked at the strange white and blue device. “Hey Mr. Mike, what’s this?”

Mike took notice of its sleek design and sharp edges. He looked at the box, “It’s called a PS5. Whatever that means. Got the box?” Nita pulled it out of her bag and placed the device inside. He focused on the next boy on the list, “Leonid Gugunava, Naughty” Out came a small box that had a lot of weight. It was already wrapped in a festive green and red container. Mike checked inside and snickered at the giant box of coal his child would be receiving. “That much coal will be good for the fire.”

He looked back at the fireplace, pausing for a second to stare at the flames. “Hey Nita.” The girl awaited his response, “Does the fire look strange to you?”

Nita turned to look at the chimney. The flames were dancing back and forth rapidly. They could both smell the smoke coming from the structure. “Seems normal to me. Just a burning fire.”

Mike looked back at her, “That’s the issue. It looks normal.”

Nita connected the dots, she looked at her hands trying to see if what she assumed was true. Dynamike picked up a piece of coal from Leonid’s present. They watched as it fell to the ground like a rock. The sound it made on the tile flooring echoing through the mostly empty room.

They both jumped to their feet. “The potion wore off!” Nita shouted.

“Ssh! People can hear us clearly again.” They both looked around the hallways, listening for any approaching steps. They were happy to hear only the fire crackling beside them. Mike reached for the pouches beside him, “It’s okay, let’s just drink another potion and get out of here.” Nita and Mike both looked at the two bags in his hand. A small drop of sweat running down their brows. “Nita…”

“Yes Mr. Mike.”

“Which bag has the potions in it.” The two stood for a second trying to remember Penny’s instructions. It had been a while since they took their first potion. As they continued to search their pouches they heard a soft moan coming from their right. They slowly turned to see a small figure standing in the shadows. Nita and Mike’s blood froze as they watched this child stare at them from a distance.

Mike tried to reason what to do. He remembered Penny telling them about the Wonder Dust. But he couldn’t remember which bag it was in. They both panicked as the child slowly approached them. Their fear turned to confusion when the body entered the light. Standing proudly with polka dot pajamas was a small chimpanzee.

The two humans laughed lightly at his sudden appearance. Nita spoke up, “He’s so cute. Hi tiny chimp.” The simian happily squeaked up to the girl. She reached out her arms and allowed the monkey to hop into her arms. She giggled as it poked her cheeks and pulled on her bear hat.

Mike approached the chimp slowly, “Well hello there little guy.” He allowed his face to get right beside the chimp, “What’s your name?”

The chimp fell silent for a second, then let loose a furious howl. As Dyanmike and Nita clenched their ears shut, their new primitive pal leaped from her arms and attacked Mike. His sharp claws slashed and tore at Mike’s face and hair. “Agh! Why me?!” he screeched.

Nita tried to calm him down but was unable to pry the beast off him. She reached for her personal bags, dipping deep into the green pouch in hopes of finding something to help. Her hands came back full of an airy purple powder. “Mike!” she called for his attention trying to be heard over his constant screaming. “This way!”

Mike stumbled her way, still trying to defend from the monkey’s unprovoked attack. When he got beside her, the beast leaped from his face. It hid under the tree as Nita inspected her friend.

Mike stood huffing with several scratches across his face. His cheeks rosy red and his hair a rat’s nest. “Why did I get attacked!?”

The monkey’s cry rang out again. They turned to the tree to see the creature howling with something in its grasp. They noticed the familiar white box that housed the very expensive looking PS5. Nita slowly walked toward the chimp, “Put down the shiny box please.”

The beast didn’t seem open to reasoning. Mike noticed the powder in her grasp. He snacthed the green pouch from her hand, “Forget this.” He pulled out a hand full of the powder then shouted, “Pocket Sand!” as he doused the monkey in the magic dust.

They watched as the creature’s eyes rolled into the back of its head. It lost grip of the box, Nita narrowly diving forward to catch the gift. The chimp stumbled around for a bit, then landed faced down under the tree.

Nita and Mike took a deep breath. The miner had a revelation, “I hate monkeys now.”

“Кто здесь?”

Nita and Mike froze at the foreign statement. They could hear several rushing footsteps rushing their way. The girl quickly placed the box down beside the chimp. Mike tossed her a potion and they down it with exasperated breaths. They were relieved when they saw the flames slow down to a standstill again.

They quickly ran to the chimney, Nita climbing up first with Mike right behind her. As he began to climb he took one final look at the monkey that had assaulted him. He noticed on his rear a little stitched name tag that read, Leonid. “No wonder you’re on the naughty list.”

The two quickly ran through the snowy driveway. The snow was frozen in mid-air as it collided with their flushed faces. When they reached the front gate, they were surprised to see the sleigh waiting for them. “What took you two so long in there?”

They both turned at Penny’s voice. The veteran of Christmas looked them over, noticing the cuts and bruises on Mike’s face. “What happened to you?”

Mike stuttered over his words, “I… uhh… I fell down some stairs.”

Nita stared at him, “No you got-”

Mike covered her mouth, “Got tripped by a pair of shoes and fell down some stairs.”

Penny gave them both a knowing look but chose not to pry. “Whatever, we got plenty of work to do so let’s move.”

They finished off the rest of the tiny province they were in. Nita pointed them in the direction of their next stop. As they flew through the sky Nita made small talk. “So how long have we been delivering for?”

Mike thought about that for a second, “I dunno, our watches don’t move any faster so I can’t check that. It’s probably been about an hour for us.”

Nita leaned on Penny, “Hey Penny, how much long till we finish Russia?”

Penny turned a confused eye their way, “We aren’t even close to being done.” They both asked her to elaborate on her ridiculous claim. She pressed a button on the sleigh, a small screen showing up. They saw a map of the world, with a small flashing indicator on the furthest tip of Russia. “That’s us. And that’s…” she pointed to a small trail that had gone through circles in the tiny province, “Is where we’ve been.”

Nita and Mike gasped at how little progress they had made. Mike disagreed with this information, “How? It’s been an hour?”

“Yeah, that’s how long it takes to travel to each home in this province.”

He took off his Christmas hat, “How? How can we finish this in a day?”

Penny placed the reins down, “First, it’s a night not a day. Second, remember we are moving far faster than the eye can perceive. What feels like an hour for us right now is probably just a few minutes for the rest of the world.”

Nita was just sitting back with a look of defeat. Mike tried to understand their situation, “Penny. How long is this going to take us?”

“I already told you, a single night.”

“No. Not how much time in the world. I mean how much super speed time.”

Penny took a second to think about her answer. “I’d say, a couple of days.” Mike fainted at the answer. “Bruce. Wake him up please.”

The bear gladly picked up the man and smacked him around a little. Mike jolted up with a haunting frown across his face. “DAYS! I didn’t know it would take days.”

Penny turned to look him in the eyes, “Hey you two almost ruined Christmas, the least you can do is stay up a little bit and fix your mess.”

Nita muttered, “But I can’t stay awake for days.”

Penny flashed the potion, “Side effect of the potion. You’re not gonna be sleeping for days.” Penny gave them a mocking smile, “Now who’s excited to visit the land down unda?”

Nita and Mike groaned as they sat back and tried to enjoy the now painful ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Queen** : *currently nose deep into the current chapter*  
>  **Sammy** : *slurping on a big gulp* Whatcha doin?  
>  **Queen** : Wondering how in the world you created a scene out of that itty bitty throw away line. It was supposed to be for comedy, and you made it a chapter.  
>  **Sammy** : Okay one, you came up with an idea, I turned it into a reality. *takes slurp of big gulp* And two, it was still funny.  
>  **Queen** : You got me there. But still.  
>  **Sammy** : Well look on the bright side, the next chapter is all yours.  
>  **Queen** : I poured my blood, sweat, and sleep schedule into that thing! Dang right it's mine!  
>  **Sammy** : *takes another short slurp* And I know the people can’t wait to read the next chapter! Got any last words?  
>  **Queen** : Thank you for reading another one of our silly scripts, please keep reading, and goodnight!  
>  **Sammy** : *takes a painfully long slurp of his drink*  
>  **Queen** : Where do you keep getting the snacks?


	6. Special Delivery

It had been five days for them since they went on their journey. Nita and Mike had grown accustomed to the feeling of perpetual darkness everywhere they turned. They were currently flying over the countries of Europe. They had streamlined some of the deliveries for more advanced and clustered houses with the help of Penny's turret but all rural neighborhoods and islands were forced to be delivered by hand.

"Penny, look! Mrs. Rosa's greenhouse!" Nita called, peering over the edge of the sleigh.

"I see it kid! Next stop: Brawler village!" Penny shouted over the wind as she yanked the reins of the sleigh. The reindeer skittered to a stop on top of the greenhouse, and Penny swore as she heard a faint "Blooming 'eck!" from inside. "I'll take care of Rosa, you guys go get started. Grab your home base and then tell the rest of us the next place you're going so we don't accidentally do the same house twice." Nita and Dynamike both gave a silent thumbs up before stealing off into the night. Penny steeled herself and jumped of the roof before strolling through the front door. She felt the potion wear off as she fell. When she hit the ground, she started pulling out another one but thought better of it. She opened the door and ran face first into rosa.

"Penny? What in the blazes are doing?" Rosa growled, leaning down to make herself eye-level with the pirate. As she did, two small, yellow-clad arms wrapped gently around her neck as Bea jumped on her back, resting her chin in Rosa's hair.

"Penny, help me! Rosa hasn't slept for three days!" Rosa growled again and lifted Bea off of her by the collar of her bee-themed pajamas.

"Sleep is for the weak, darling," Rosa said simply and trudged back to her desk. Penny sighed and strolled up. She looked for a place to lean, but opted to just stand normally when she saw that every square inch of the desk was covered in papers and pots.

"Rosa, we've talked about this: you need sleep." Rosa pulled her glasses off and rubbed her eyes.

"Penny, I am so close to a breakthrough, and- what are you supposed to be, a christmas tree? That isn't funny."

Penny rolled her eyes. "I'm an elf actually. And you're going to forget this ever happened." Rosa opened her mouth, but Penny hit her with a pinch of wonder dust before she could speak. The botanist was asleep before her head hit the desk.

"So you're an elf?" Bea asked from behind her. Penny turned around slowly, already grabbing more wonder dust.

"Yeah. Sorry about this Bea." The entomologist grinned and rubbed the back of her neck.

"It's fine, I assure you. I'm assuming I won't remember this tomorrow?"

"Nope."

"Alright, just lean me up against her desk. I fall asleep there a lot. And find her glasses, would you?"

Penny stepped closer to Bea, preparing to catch her. "Will do. Goodnight, and merry Christmas." She blew a puff of the wonder dust into Bea's face and caught her as she fell. She carried the now sleeping girl over to Rosa's desk chair and propped her up, smiling when she shifted and unconsciously made herself comfortable against the metal. Penny picked Rosa's glasses up off the floor and placed them on her desk before walking over to their tree, a large decorated pitcher plant that seemed to be eating it's lights.

"Rosa Bush, nice." A set of beakers, a new lab coat, and a set of ceramic pots landed in Penny's arms and she placed them under the tree. "Beatrice Midgely, nice." A small set of wrenches and a large net flew out of the pack, and she caught them and placed them under the tree next to Rosa's gifts. "Sprout, nice." A short string of lights and a hamster water bottle popped out, landing neatly in Penny's hands. She placed them on top of the pile of gifts and pulled out a potion. She drank it in one quick gulp and dashed out the door towards her ship to drop off her crew's gifts.

She skidded over the quiet waters as if they were frozen and climbed onto her ship, launching herself up by grabbing onto one of the cannons.

As soon as she landed on the deck, her earpiece began spitting out the names of her crew one after the other, all followed by the word "naughty". One name frustrated her, "Gonna have to fix that when we get back." She went about her way, stealthily delivering the necessary presents to their owners.

Across the city, Pam Junker was getting ready for bed. She pulled her hair out of it's customary do and put on her pajamas before going to check on jessie in the next room over.

That was when she heard a loud sequence of noises coming from downstairs, followed by a high-pitched noise that sounded like a growl and only lasted a split second. She dashed back to her room, grabbed a large wrench out of her closet, and started down the stairs, careful to make as little noise as possible. The second she hit the first step, she heard more thuds. When she got to the bottom, there was no one there. Presents topped with glittering bows sat under the tree, crumbs were scattered across the room, the lights on the tree reflected off of the wrapping paper. She did a double take and looked back at the table where the cookies that Jessie had set out had been sitting not a moment before.

The table was a disaster. The plate the cookies were on now had multiple scratch marks on it. On closer inspection, the scratch marks looked like a small animal had clawed at the plate as they were eating the cookies. And, seeing as there weren't any wild animals near her house, there was only one person who could've made this much of a mess. Pam put her hands on her hips and looked back at the tree.

"Nita Littlefoot, how did you get in my house?"

Black boots thudded silently to the ground as Dynamike dropped down the entrance to the mine. He looked around to make sure no one was coming and spotted Jacky, curled up in an overstuffed rocking chair. He smiled at the young woman and set to work bringing out presents. His earpiece chirped that both Carl and Jacky were nice, and he pulled out gifts accordingly, proud that the abrasive girl had managed to behave enough to stay on the nice list.

He was lost in his thoughts when his foot caught on a spare drill and he tripped, dropping one of the gifts. He calmly stuck a hand out to catch the gift, which was falling in slow motion to him thanks to the potion. He didn't realize that the potion had worn off until the present hit the ground with a loud _thud_. Jacky snorted and woke up with a start, nearly falling out of her chair in the process. Her hard hat fell into her eyes and she had to lift the brim out of her face to properly see her visitor.

"Santa? Wait… Mike? Is that you?" Jacky launched herself out of her chair and flung herself at Dynamike, wrapping him in a tight hug. "Glistening gemstones, Mike, I thought you were passed out in an alley somewhere! You can't scare us like that!" She took a deep breath and grabbed the man by his shoulders. "What are you doing playing Santa with that back of yours?!" She shouted, shaking him gently. Dynamite smiled sheepishly.

"It's a long story."

"Whatever your excuse is, it won't work! You are not going back out there!" Jacky began to push him towards his room, still rambling about his back and other injuries he had received over the years. Meanwhile, Dynamike was pulling a pinch of wonder dust out of the pouch, praying that it worked as well on humans as it did on monkeys. He ducked under Jacky's arm and threw the powder at her face. She wrinkled her nose and started to sneeze, but she fell asleep halfway through. Dynamike wrapped an arm around her waist and one around her shoulders, just barely catching her as she fell face-first towards the floor. He shifted his grip and carried her back to the chair that she had been asleep in, careful not to wake her up. He silently checked to make sure he had put out all of Jacky's and Carl's gifts before chugging another potion and vanishing back up the mine shaft.

Penny crept stealthily through the front door of the mortuary, carefully avoiding the gaze of some of Mortis' nastier bats. A few of the nicer ones squeaked at her, recognizing her even when she looked like a walking poinsettia moving at the speed of sound.

"You guys need to be quiet, ya hear?" She whispered. A few of the bats squeaked, and the whole colony took flight in slow motion, flapping sluggishly towards an open window to go do their hunting for the night. Penny chuckled at the cloud silently before continuing her trek through the large mansion. Three more hallways stood between her and the Christmas tree, so she still had a lot of ground to cover. As she walked, her earpiece told her that all the occupants of the household were on the nice list. She quickly whispered their names and grabbed the gifts as they popped out of her bag. A box for Frank, containing a pair of holographic glasses that could be programmed to display anything the wearer wanted them to. Emz was getting a signed poster of Poco, her celebrity crush, and Mortis was getting a signed poster of... himself. Penny smirked at the vampire's narcissistic tendencies as she entered the living room and placed the gifts underneath the tree.

When she was done, she stole one last glance at the tree and stole off into the night.

After they had finished delivering gifts to Brawl Village, they returned to the sleigh. Nita and Dynamike were relieved to not hear Rosa still awake inside her greenhouse. All three were somewhat refreshed after visiting their homes, and they climbed into the sleigh with little complaint. As they flew away, Nita leaned over the edge of the sleigh, firefly waving at her home as it shrunk in the distance.

"Don't worry you two, we only have about fifty more go. Just hang in there," Penny said.

"Fifty more? How many days is that, one? Two?"

"One and a half. Quit complaining, it's better than swabbing the poop deck for five days straight! The only treats you get doing that are the ones the gulls drop for ya!" Nita giggled at Penny as she pulled herself back into the sleigh.

"Don't worry, Mr. Mike, we'll be done soon." Dynamite sighed and propped himself up on his elbow.

"I sure hope so. I miss my mine. "

The group took their seats as Penny pulled off. The soared miles above the sky across the seas to their next location. Along the way Nita noticed that same ship shitting at the dock west of their village. "Hey Penny, look! It's your ship!"

"Yep, just finished delivering there."

Nita thought it would be fun to mess with her, "What did everyone get?"

"Same as every year, coal."

Nita snickered at the statement, "Yeah right, what did you actually get?"

Penny gave her a crooked smile, "Nothing but coal."

She refocused on the reindeer and the skies ahead. Nita however wasn't convinced. She leaned over the edge of the sleigh, silently whispering, "Penny Brooks." She waited for the response from her ear piece. Her heart quickly sunk as did her body.

She fell back into Dynamike, starling the older man. "Woah there kiddo. What's wrong?"

"Um… nothing. Just saw a bird fly by."

Dyanmike laughed at the thought, "Yeah that's happened to me once or twice. Just be careful." Penny laughed at her mistake.

Nita silently took a seat beside Mike. When Penny turned around she couldn't help but whisper the name again. She couldn't have heard what she thought she heard. But alas the tiny voice said into her ear again, "Penny Brooks. Time left on naughty list: 44 years."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sammy** : *softly crying in the corner again*  
>  **Queen** : Oh dear Lord, here we go again.  
>  **Sammy** : *Tears rolling down his face* What?  
>  **Queen** : You're crying. Again. What happened now?  
>  **Sammy** : I'm not crying… I just have something in my eyes.  
>  **Queen** : Like what? We are in a void with no-  
>  **Sammy** : *crunches on a single Taki*  
>  **Queen** : And again with the snacks.  
>  **Sammy** : By the way, *rubs away a tear* great chapter. I knew you could handle all the character interactions without my help. *Taki dust gets in eyes* GAH!  
>  **Queen** : Yeah, handle. Random question, how much caffeine can you have before you die?  
>  **Sammy** : Ten grams.  
>  **Queen** : *pours herself a fourth cup of espresso* good to know.  
>  **Sammy** : *looks towards the rest of the story* How many chapters do we have left?  
>  **Queen** : Two? Three? Something like that. *softly sips espresso*  
>  **Sammy** : *looks at the size of the story* Let's make it one.  
>  **Queen** : *spits out espresso* You're kidding!  
>  **Sammy** : Ahem, I'm in college. I am not a little kid.  
>  **Queen** : Fine, joking. *spits out more espresso* You're joking!  
>  **Sammy** : No jokes. It's only like… 2000 words left. They can handle it.  
>  **Queen** : How did we manage that?  
>  **Sammy** : I dunno? Faith, trust, and pixie dust?  
>  **Queen** : Bibbidi bobbidi boom cracka lacka. It's almost done!  
>  **Sammy** : Which means it's almost time to say goodbye to this wonderful place. *looks at all the beautiful nothing around them*  
>  **Queen** : Until then, we can say goodbye to the chapter and prepare for the last one! Sam?  
>  **Sammy** : *points finger guns with a rocking pair of shades on* Until then. Thanks for reading another one of our silly scripts, please keep reading and goodnight!  
>  **Queen** : Where are you getting this stuff?  
>  **Sammy** : You really haven't been using your powers in here, have you?


	7. Reason For Her Treason

The rest of the deliveries went smoothly. There were no murderous pets in sight, and they only ran into a few more night owls. After another day in a half, they were on their way back to the North Pole. They couldn't sleep on the way back because they still had to drink the potions to prevent them from being ripped to shreds by the wind, but they were all less tense than when they had been delivering presents. Penny pulled the sleigh onto the landing platform smoothly, and the trio hopped down from the sleigh in unison, surrounded by cheering elves. Sparkle ran up to them, sporting puffy red eyes.

"You actually did it! I can't believe you actually did it! I never doubted you for a second, of course." Penny snorted, feeling the last potion wear off as she did so. 

"Right, so you're all teary-eyed from our stellar performance?" Sparkle sniffed and waved her away before turning to go find a tissue. As he walked away, Santa hobbled up on a pair of crutches.

"Don't mind him, he gets cranky when he's tired. You did a fantastic job. I hope Leonid didn't give you too much trouble. He is on the naughty list for a reason." Nita gasped loudly.

"You remember him? That little chi-" 

"No trouble at all!" Dynamike cut in, placing his hand over Nita's mouth. Santa chuckled at their antics.

"That's good to hear." The man straightened up as much as he could. " Now, down to business. Nita Littlefoot and Dynamike Rogers, I hereby clear you of any debt you have to the north pole and induct you as honorary members of the prestigious Order of Clauses. You should keep those outfits, in case you are ever needed again. But for now, you can banish them just by thinking about it. '' Nita quickly squeezed her eyes shut, and after a few seconds, her reindeer outfit was replaced by her normal dress. Bruce underwent a similar undressing, seeing as his magic was directly connected to Nita's. Mike followed suit, and was soon back in his everyday outfit. Penny sighed from behind them, and Nita and Dynamike could see that her elf outfit was gone, replaced by her signature stripes shirt and baggy pants. She was stretching, an occasional faint popping noise coming from one of her joints or another.

"Traveling around the entire world in a day gives you a God-awful ache in your bones." Santa nodded.

"Yes, you all should go. Your families will be waking up soon."

Penny stepped up to the spirit of Christmas. She pointed to a set of boxes nearby, “Can we talk? Privately?”

The two drifted away from the main celebration. Nita tried to focus on their speech but the celebrating elves drowned all other sounds. The ocean of songs was too much for her to ignore.

Penny shortly returned with a simple smile, “Ready to go?”

Nita yawned as the three turned to go find the teleporter. Stepping on the large platform, Penny pulled out her phone to activate it. Pressing her finger to the button on her phone, the trio of Santas finally went home.

* * *

Colt was woken up on Christmas morning by Spike pushing at his arm. The little cactus was followed by Shelly, who was holding two cups of coffee. He smiled gratefully and took the cup, the scent of the drink already helping to wake him up. 

Spike dashed out to the living room, with Shelly and Colt slogging along behind him, still half asleep. They all smiled when they saw the gifts sitting under the tree. Colt set his coffee down on a side table and walked over to a mirror leaned against the wall. “I’m going to assume this one is for me. Don’t I look great, Shell?” 

“Mmm, sure,” she replied, curling up in a chair with her coffee. Colt stuck his tongue out at her and turned back to the mirror to admire his reflection. Stuck to the corner was a red-and-green striped sticky note. Colt pulled it off the frame and read the writing on it.

“‘Merry Christmas Red’ hey, this kind of looks like Penny’s handwriting!” 

Shelly spoke up from her chair. “How do you know Penny's handwriting?”

“She isn’t very good at forgeries.”

“Ah.” Shelly took a long sip of her coffee. “Couldn’t be hers though.”

“Why?”

“She would have broken the mirror.”

At Bull’s diner, the employees were all wearing Santa hats. Cheerful music filled the air, and the restaurant was packed with families eating Christmas breakfast.

Bibi was sitting in the kitchen, staring at one of her presents. It was a large bear tooth, with a length of leather cord tied to it.

“I dunno sis, was there a note or somethin?” Bull asked as he walked by, tying on a brand-new apron emblazoned with his symbol.

“Nah, not that I saw.” 

“Check the inside of the paper, maybe?” Crow said from where he was seated. “That’s how we used to pass notes in the gang. Doesn’t raise a whole lotta suspicion..” Bibi pulled out the paper that had been sloppily covering the gift and sure enough, there was a note on the inside.

 _For ur bat, luv_ ~~_nita_~~ _Santa Claws._

Bibi smiled at the small note before folding the paper and putting it back in her pocket.

“Alright, I got my answers. We should get back to work.”

If anyone noticed the bear tooth swinging next to the ball on the end of her bat the next day, nobody said anything.

Gale stretched and yawned as he walked out to the lobby, mentally preparing himself for another day of work. He was surprised to see Mr. P standing next to a Christmas tree, clad in a bright red Santa costume.

“Gale, open your presents and take the day off. I can get these blasted robots to do your job for one day.” Gale smiled at his boss and moved closer to give the disgruntled penguin a hug. “Nope. no hugging.” Despite his protests, Gale still hugged Mr. P, his smile growing even wider when the man hugged him back after a few seconds.

Mr. P walked away in a hurry, leaving Gale alone with the colorful presents underneath the tree. He opened the first one to reveal a hand-carved chess set and a note, scribbled on one of the hotel’s custom sticky notes.

 _Call up your old friend Mike,_ it read, _Invite him over to play sometime._

Gale looked at his boots and coat sitting next to the door. He threw them on, tucked the chessboard under his arm, and set off towards the mine.

_‘I’ll do you one better, Mike.’_

When he got out of the mine cart that had brought him to the heart of the mine, he was met with the sight of Jacky and Carl consoling Dynamike.

“Don’t worry, old-timer, I’m sure this means you’ll get twice the presents next year!” Jacky shouted from his side. Carl was at his other side, patting his back.

“Or he may drop them off before them. Santa has never forgotten a gift before, so as long as you weren’t on the naughty list, you’ll get something!” Carl squeaked.

“What happened?” The miners turned to look at Gale as he approached, shucking his coat and boots.

“Santa forgot my gifts,” Mike said with a smile.

“I know what will make you feel better.” Gale pulled the chessboard out from behind his back. “A rousing game of chess!” Dynamike moved to clear off a table.

“You sure you ready for a butt-kicking like that, Gale?”

“Bring it on, Mike!”

Nita was sitting on Bo’s lap, the man’s arms wrapped around her as if she were a three-year-old at danger of running off any moment.

“Bo, you can put me down. I’m not going to disappear!”

“Somehow I doubt that, little one.” Nita looked to Leon for help, but the boy merely shrugged and went back to opening and passing out presents. Occasionally, he brought a gift to her, and she unwrapped every one as she sat in Bo’s arms. 

“Hey, Nita, this one is for you. It's from Penny.” Nita grabbed the small gift that Leon held out and unwrapped it. It was a small black mask, like the type that robbers wore in her picture books. Attached to it was a small note.

_‘Keep being mischievous, and when in doubt, give ‘em hell. -Penny’_

Nita pulled her bear hat off, tied the mask on, and put her hat back on. She turned as well as she could to face Bo.

“Hey Bo, look at what Penny gave me!” Bo smiled at her.

“A mask, very nice. What is it for?”

“To cause mischief!” Bo felt his blood chill at her words. 

“Lovely.”

Penny was sitting on her ship, looking tiredly out to sea. Someone poked her on the shoulder, and she turned around to see the youngest member of the crew, Joy, holding three pieces of coal. 

“Penny, check this out!” She stuck her tongue out and tossed the coal into the air, one piece after the other. When they came back down, she started juggling them, smiling goofily at Penny once she had the rhythm down. After about a minute, she caught all three pieces and bowed to Penny's wild applause.

“Glad one of us found something to do with this junk. Keep working on it and you could join the circus!” Joy laughed and ran off, presumably to go show someone else. Penny thought back to what she had been doing when she was Joy’s age.

In her mind’s eye, she saw a much younger version of herself, shooting anything she saw with her brand-new mortar. She had seen a large bird, larger than she had ever seen before, and decided she wanted to shoot it out of the sky. She remembered that it had taken a few tries, but she had finally seen the bird plunge towards the sea. She remembered how she had taken one of the dinghies and rowed out to haul in her catch. Only to find a man dressed in white and red unconscious in a ruined vehicle. There was this tiny person in the object with him, rabid and in a mad panic trying to wake him up. Penny smiled as she remembered getting chewed out by the pipsqueak. She remembered the deal she had struck with Santa and that elf, clear as day.

“Sir, we aren't going to be able to deliver the rest of the presents, between your injuries and the sleigh’s state. What are we going to do?” He groaned as the elf tried to lift him up.

“We’re going home.” Penny and the assistant simply stared at him, stunned into silence. The man dragged himself into a sitting position, groaning the entire time. “But first, Penny, I need to talk to you.” Penny stayed still for just a second before turning and bolting back across the side of the sleigh. “Sparkle, catch her.”

Penny made it about three steps before she was tackled from behind by Sparkle. An “oof” escaped her lips as her chin hit the ledge, and she watched a tooth go skittering across the sled and into the sea.

“A shame.” She whirled around under Sparkle’sgrip and looked in awe at the intimidating figure of the colorful man. Despite his injuries, he was still almost eight feet tall, and he cut an impressive figure against the stars. “I’ll have to call the tooth fairy when we get home. That was a good one, she would appreciate it.”

Penny gulped and twisted a bit more, trying to make herself look at least a little bit powerful. “What do you want from me?” He clasped his hands together behind his back.

“What do you think you deserve?”

“A slap on the wrist?” 

He quirked an eyebrow at her and began to lean a little heavier on his makeshift crutch. “Is that so? Sparkle, how many countries do we have left?”

“48, sir.”

“Forty-eight.” He stroked his long, white beard contemplatively. “Forty-eight years on the naughty list, working as my mechanic. That seems fair.”

Penny finally connected the dots, “Naughty list? Wait… are you?”

“That’s right,” he stood high above her. “You shot Santa Claus.”

Penny shook herself out of her thoughts as Darryl walked up next to her.

"Whatchya thinking about matey?" 

Penny sighed. "Christmas." 

Darryl chuckled in that pitchy squeal of his. "Coincidentally, that's what I came over here to talk about. You have a gift to open." Penny begrudgingly took the box.

"Let's get this over with." She ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a plain white box. She pulled off the lid and began to pull aside a bit of the tissue paper when she caught a glimpse of pink.

_‘Pink?’_

She grabbed ahold of the pink item and pulled with all her might to reveal an irreversibly stained bunny outfit that may have been pink once upon a dream. What had once been a bright and lively outfit was now covered in coal dust.

Her blood was boiling, “Claus.”

She turned to talk to Darryl but the bot had suddenly disappeared. She draped the outfit over the side rail and stepped back to admire it.

_‘You know what, screw you, Claus. It's cooler black.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Queen** : *surrounded by piles of gold* Hello everyone!  
>  **Sammy** : *in disbelief* When did you-  
>  **Queen** : Ask no questions and I'll tell no lies.  
>  **Sammy** : *takes a careful step backward* Okay, hi everyone. This is the end of the story.  
>  **Queen** : *pulls out old fashioned hanky* I'm really gonna miss this one.  
>  **Sammy** : Me as well Queen. Me as well. I will forever remember the amazing story we told. The adventure we created. The backstory (not canon to any of my other works) that we created. And the fun we had in the- *gets cut off by a loud noise overhead* Queen…  
>  **Queen** : Yes Sammy?  
>  **Sammy** : Is that an airplane?  
>  **Queen** : No. It's a blimp.  
>  **Sammy** : *looks to her with concern* WHY?!  
>  **Queen** : You say why, I say, "why not?" Besides, read the side of it.  
>  **Sammy** : "Goodbye Santa's Little Helpers" Cute… Question though.  
>  **Queen** : Yeah?  
>  **Sammy** : Why do all this now. We stop existing once this dialogue ends.  
>  **Queen** : What? Since when?  
>  **Sammy** : Since always… didn't I tell you?  
>  **Queen** : No? You didn't?  
>  **Sammy** : Yes I did. It was when I first left to go get a drink. Remember… in Chapter 3. I came back with popcorn and… *remembers what happened* and you covered my mouth with your hand.  
>  **Queen** : That's what you were going to say? I thought you were dropping spoilers for the story!  
>  **Sammy** : What?! No! I was going to say, "Have they gotten to the secret about us no longer existing after this story is done." Why would I spoil a story I wrote such an intricate outline for?  
>  **Queen** : I have no idea. Kicks?  
>  **Sammy** : *shakes head lightly* It's like I always say, it's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits. *looks to his left* Is that an elephant?!  
>  **Queen** : No, it's a giraffe. Yes it's an elephant!  
>  **Sammy** : Why?!  
>  **Queen** : Again, why not? But I guess it will be gone soon…  
>  **Sammy** : All things must end someday. *looks around one final time* Since this is the end… wanna make it extravagant?  
>  **Queen** : But of course! Fireworks? The whole shebang?  
>  **Sammy** : Let's turn this black void into a rainbow of lights!  
>  **Queen** : Alright! *pulls out comically large party popper* Ready?  
>  **Sammy** : *two giant machine guns appear* I was born ready.  
>  **Queen** : light it up!
> 
> *Loud popping noises*
> 
> *bright flashing lights*
> 
>  **Queen** : From both of us-  
>  **Sammy** : To all of you!  
>  **Queen** : Thank you for reading one last silly script!  
>  **Sammy** : *blows the readers a kiss* GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY!
> 
> *Both bow and disappear in a flash of light*


End file.
